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Judge Yourself before Judging Others

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy Oh yeah, this has been a big one for me. Huge in fact! On my journey of discovering the best version of myself I have come to the realisation that many of my thoughts were based in judgments of others. The amazing part is, that it has taken all this time (42 years) for me to recognise this behaviour. I used to think I had strong opinions, was decisive, and able to “evaluate” others quicker than anyone. I “got” people, I understood where they were coming from, their motivations, and why they said what they said and did what they did. I found myself falling back into old clichés like; “I don’t suffer fools” or “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter”. I was a highly skilled definer, and an even better dismisser. Once I’d figured you out, my opinions were set in stone. I didn’t leave much room for changing those opinions either. Once I’d decided, that was it, you were what you were, according to me. With the benefit of time and hindsight, I’ve come to realise that since I was actively embracing a life of personal growth (or “Discovering the best me,” as I like to call it), I somehow felt that gave me free rein to comment on what others were doing. I’ve also realised this is a common behaviour in those of us on the personal growth path. When we are seeking change for ourselves, we sometimes feel we can comment on (or seek change for) the lives of others—about how they should behave, about what is acceptable for them, and so on. I had some inexplicable sense of entitlement that validated my judgmental parts in behaving …Read More

Good Communication Begins With Listening

The biggest conversation problem is we don’t listen to understand – we seem to listen to respond. Whether you’re interviewing for a new job, meeting with a prospective client or giving a presentation to your boss/colleagues – your success depends largely on your communication skills. Unfortunately, most people think of communication as talking or writing. They think primarily about getting their message across to the other person, and or responding to what the other person is trying to say. However, the key to being a great communicator is learning to listen.  Understanding what the other person is thinking will help you tailor your message to their needs and your future actions around that particular topic. This is the best way for you to succeed, become a better listener, a better employee, a better employer – even just generally a better person. Focus on the other person Remember the last time you tried to carry on a conversation with someone who was looking around the room or checking his/her watch? Frustrating right? Well imagine what it’s like for a potential employer. Let’s say Joe is interviewing with Susan the marketing manager at ABC Company. Joe is prepared. He carefully explains why he wants the job and what he can do for the company. Trouble is Susan notices that Joe frequently looks down or gazes out the window. She finds it difficult to take Joe seriously. Naturally, you’ll want to avert your gaze from time to time in order to avoid starring. Try to do this while still focusing on the other person. Practice maintaining eye contact with friends and colleagues. Soon you’ll feel comfortable in any situation. Stop thinking about you “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.” (Quote from Ed Howe) …Read More